Monday, June 22, 2009

Nature vs. Nurture

Whew! It has been a whirlwind of a few days. Loren left to take kids to Young Life camp last week and the girls and I had a week without him to prepare for our summer assignment. If you don't know what that is, read this. We left on Saturday and headed up to meet Loren at Crooked Creek Ranch in beautiful Fraser, CO where we will be serving students from all over for three weeks. Last year, in California, Loren took on the role of summer staff coordinator. It was awesome to be behind the scenes with all of the students who had come to serve for the month we were there. He loved his role there. This year, his role is a bit fact, quite the opposite in some ways. Loren is doing Program this summer, which means that he is one of those in charge of all things goofy (characters, skits, games, etc) and is up front all the time. It is a totally different role, but one that, as you might assume, fits him to a tee.

Busloads of students arrived yesterday afternoon and packed this camp and the fun began. The first week of an assignment is always the hardest as everyone kind of gets to know each other, the schedule, and their jobs. For program people, that means lots of rehearsing and preparing during every spare moment, of which there are few. But, the next two weeks will be easier as they just tweak things here and there to make them really excellent and beyond funny.

For my part, I am determining, as of right now, not to miss out. The first week of an assignment never fails to remind me that I am pretty uncomfortable in new situations. And so, my immediate desire is to go from event to event with my kids so we can watch Loren do his thing, and then to lock ourselves up in our room in order to keep from having to risk connecting with someone. Why am I like that? Well, I know why, I guess. It seems easier. That way, I don't have to worry that I might not be as interesting as someone else or as dynamic. And, I mean, it's three weeks. Do I really need to try that hard when the risk is that I might be misunderstood, or worse, understood and found wanting? Eww...that's lovely. Some days I think I may be getting the hang of this identity in Christ thing, and then some see.

Even as I know these are my natural tendencies, I also know that the bible tells us over and over to fight against those natural tendencies. Jesus' message so often for the disciples was summed up this way, "Because of me, you have the ability to be act out of what you KNOW to be true about ME, instead of what you THINK is true of you and others." And I can't help but recall that most of the great moments in my life have come at the expense of my natural tendencies.

So, with the Holy Spirit as my guide, instead of my own self-serving intuition, I'll be heading downstairs to the community room more often, scooching on over towards some other mom during mealtimes, and grabbing an unfamiliar hand during prayer times. I can't say that I am, as of yet, looking forward to all of those things, but I AM looking forward to how the Lord will meet me there and what truths he will remind me of. Cause he's so faithful like that. What a blessing it is to be uncomfortable.


Melodie said...

i was thinking (secretly hoping) that nature vs nurture would be some unique adoption insight. but i loved this post. i think you are pretty amazing. enjoy your time!

Deb said...

I agree with Melodie but I'm thankful for your honestly and insightfulness! You are inspiring!
Thanks for the great words!

Phyllis said...

I can so relate to how you feel in meeting new people and doing new things. People are amazed when i tell them at one time I was very quite and shy. With lots of prayer and a very outgoing husband that has changed somewhat. However, I still get a nervous stomach when I have to meet and talk with new people.

The Coopers said...

loved this post! you are one incredible sister. I am so blessed to have such strong sisters of faith.