Thursday, October 27, 2011


Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Our feet kick at the piles of leaves as we walk hand in hand up to her school. She smiles at some thought she's had and I notice again that she is a miniature me. She looks like a child I could have carried in my womb. I'm struck again by the wonder of that.

But there are other things, too. Her heart mirrors my own in so many ways. Her love of books and music. Her domestic streak. The way she wears her feelings on her sleeve. Her penchant for lying to get out of trouble, which is really more about being afraid to disappoint than it is fear of the consequences. Hers is a heart that will be broken because she dares to share it. I just know it. And my heart winces preemptively at the thought.

She has grown up this year before our very eyes. Limbs have grown long and lean, a ballerina's body, and in her face we have started to see glimpses of the grown up girl she will be. A girl who moves into life slowly, more thoughtful, in a way that makes room for the hopes and dreams of others.

Sweet Bella, we've called her. A name that means beauty. She wears it well.

Linking up with Just Write this week. Trying something new! You should too!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


Her name means breath of life. And that's exactly what she is.

I love every bit of her reckless heart and the way she grabs at life with all the delicacy of a UFC fighter. I love that she has a soft spot for the curve of my neck and whispers, "I lub you, mama" like it's a secret just between us.

She is full of words now. Full of songs, even. And full of mischief, as always. Those eyes tell me, have always told me, she knows more than we think. And her pace tells me that our days of pretending she is a baby are numbered.

Nothing but gratitude for the extravagant gift of Ava Elizabeth Marey.

Friday, October 21, 2011


Apparently, Hope has been teaching Bella after they go to bed. "School" they call it. Today at the breakfast table they were explaining it to me. When the door to the stairway shuts, that is the bell for their school to begin. They work on numbers and letters. Last night they talked about the number eight. Then, at recess, they draw pictures (on each other's backs) and try to guess what they are. And then, because Hope is always ready for sleep sooner than Bella, they have a little ritual. Bella gets scared after Hope falls asleep, so she is allowed to pick either Hope's arm, her hair, or her back to play with until she drifts off.

How long will these games last? THIS is why I wanted the girls to share a room, even share a bed. I can remember doing things like this with my little sister long after we were supposed to be asleep. Tent making with the bedspread, trying not to laugh while she poked at my ticklish armpits, and making words on each other's backs. And even though my parents may have preferred that we go straight to sleep, they are memories that have lasted over the years. Such sweet moments to remember again and again.

I'm so thankful they have this time with each other and I promise I will try and remember that when I have climbed the stairs once again to tell them to go to sleep.

Monday, October 10, 2011

My Soul Finds Rest

This is my new favorite song. For one thing, it is a modern hymn, and hymns have a special place in my heart. I love the deep truths they convey and the simple structure of their composition. And, in a lot of ways, they're like old friends. I grew up with hymns and singing them now reminds me of where my faith in Christ began.

But I also love this song because it speaks to that deep ache in me for rest. The imagery that David uses in Psalm 62 of God as a fortress, a mighty rock, a refuge, reminds me that I can rest in him, the One who can't be shaken. For me, in the midst of all that competes for my attention, the call to rest in God alone faithfully finds its way to the surface again and again. In this song, I hear His call again, loud and clear. An irresistible invitation.

So, as I start a new year (35, in case your wondering), that's what I wanna be about. Finding rest in God alone, My Delight and My Reward.

Psalm 62 (My Soul Finds Rest)
My soul finds rest in God alone,
My Rock and my salvation,
A fortress strong against my foes,
And I will not be shaken.
Though lips may bless and hearts may curse,
And lies like arrows pierce me,
I’ll fix my heart on righteousness,
I’ll look to Him who hears me.

O praise Him, hallelujah, My Delight and my Reward;
Everlasting, never failing, My Redeemer, my God.

Find rest, my soul, in God alone
Amid the world’s temptations;
When evil seeks to take a hold
I’ll cling to my salvation.
Though riches come and riches go,
Don’t set your heart upon them;
The fields of hope in which I sow
Are harvested in heaven.

I’ll set my gaze on God alone,
And trust in Him completely;
With every day pour out my soul,
And He will prove His mercy.
Though life is but a fleeting breath,
A sigh too brief to measure,
My King has crushed the curse of death
And I am His forever.

O praise Him, hallelujah, My Delight and my Reward;
Everlasting, never failing, My Redeemer, my God.

Listen here if you want. You'll love it!