Saturday, May 28, 2011


I have done enough gushing about my amazing kids on this site that I have no doubt you know how much we love them. With that in mind, let me just say that my youngest is about to do me in. All along we have said that she independent child. Let me just cut the crap and tell you that what that honestly means is that for a good part of each day...meaning the part that she is awake...we are in constant disaster prevention mode. Or, if we aren't thorough enough in that mode, disaster clean-up/discipline/prevent the next disaster mode. All with a grand helping of fit throwing, foot stomping, scowling baby syndrome. Ava...not me.

Now, don't get me wrong. We have plenty of hugs and kisses and it is no exaggeration that Ava is, quite possibly, the funniest person in our house...which is saying a lot! And, not accidentally funny. She is hilarious on purpose and has a kind of charm that is both delightful and infuriating when you are trying to discipline. She has such a big personality and is such a fun little girl. But she is also stubborn and LOUD and kind of mean sometimes. (She's a hitter, folks, and I have no idea why she thinks it's okay to regularly smack people on the head! We do not smack her on the head.) I am at my wit's end so often that I had started to believe that my wit's end is actually where I live. And then...I had a memory. It was of me 6 years ago, calling Loren one day in tears. And what I managed to squeak out was my fears that I was an awful, rage-full person and a terrible mother. That my one and half year old (Hope, in case you haven't figured that out)was driving me crazy and that I felt so angry that she would never listen and that somehow her little brain already knew where all of my buttons were and she took sick pleasure in methodically pushing them until I was at the brink of insanity.

Thankfully, he laughed. And told me that I wasn't a rage-full person. In fact, I think he even told me I was a very patient mother, which I did not feel at all at the time, and that we had a very "independent" little girl who just needed consistent, loving discipline. And he assured me that one day she wouldn't be so unreasonable all the time. Then I felt my insides unclench and relax as he assured me that I was perfectly capable of raising this child because I had Jesus and I had him. We could, the three of us, do it together. I knew that was true.

I am immensely comforted by that memory it is only 10am and Ava has already spilled cereal all over the floor, dipped her toothbrush in the toilet and then sucked the toilet water off of it, and screamed at me half a dozen times. I can do it. Cause I have Jesus and I have Loren. And cause, come on....look at this face.

She is totally worth it!

1 comment:

Amy said...

I'm right there with you, sister. You are a very patient mother, and thankfully, we are all in this together (although at times it certainly does not feel like it). Love your posts.