I know this isn’t true for everyone, but there is something about music that speaks to a deeper place in me. I am moved often to tears, rendered silent (which is odd for me), or you might find me clutching my chest with emotion in the same way I would if I had just seen a beautiful new baby or been given a million dollars, or was having a mild heart attack. This chest clutching one that I just mentioned…this is the one that most often describes me when I am listening to something that speaks to my heart. It is not something I am conscious of doing at the time, but I know, sort of, why I do it. It seems so natural to physically touch the place that it touches most deeply in me. Also, it sort of feels like holding it there in my heart is not quite enough…that I want to hold it in my hands, too. Like I try, with futility of course, to grasp onto it physically. I do this often with the Lord. The funny thing, though, is that I am, in the end, relieved that I can’t actually physically grasp it. I know that my grasp is human and that it is much safer in my heart, which is inhabited by the Divine. This bit of grace allows me to understand deeper truths than those that permit themselves to be grasped and I am so thankful for it.
Just for your information, and perhaps for your own version of chest-clutching, here are some of the words to songs that bring about this in me:
“Lift your eyes to the heavens, for the Creator is living in you” Watermark w/Shane and Shane, “Arise and Be Comforted”
“I will not be moved, and I’ll say of the Lord, ‘You are my Shield, My Strength, My Portion, Deliverer, My Shelter, Strong Tower, My Very Present Help in time of need.’” Hillsong, “Made Me Glad”
“Give me Jesus. Give me Jesus. You can have all the rest, but give me Jesus” Fernando Ortega, “Give me Jesus"
“My name is graven on his hands. My name is written on his heart. I know that while in heaven he stands no tongue can bid me thence depart.” Selah, “Before the Throne of God Above” (the whole song really…I can not drive and hear this song!)
“One day death will retreat and wave its white flag. One day love will defeat the strongest enemy. So we wait for that one day. Come quickly! We want to see your glory!” Nicole Nordemon and Selah, "Glory"
Just to name a few.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Young Life Commercial
This is one of my husband's many many talents. He made this video, just for fun, to play at Young Life club and it made me laugh out loud, so I had to share it. Hope has a cameo appearance so look for her. Enjoy!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Obsessed
My heart and mind have been so stirred lately by a couple of books I have read….books that I will not be naming here, as I do not want to get a firestorm of e-mails. I really don’t even want to discuss it all that much yet. I am still researching, formulating opinions, obsessing about content, and wondering if it is worth all the effort.
You see, the problem is that these books are best sellers, expertly written, engaging. They are humorous and full of heart. They are about faith. “Where is the problem?” you are, no doubt, asking. Well, the thing is, I am not sure they are about my faith...at least as I understand it. That wouldn’t bother me much, generally speaking. People can write about whatever they want. What bothers me about these particular books (did I mention they are best sellers?) is that they discuss ideas that sound so similar to my faith at times that it is confusing. There is such an element of what I believe to be truth that, catch me in a less self-assured moment, and I might just dive right in. (This less self-assured me, coupled with the me that doesn't ever like to appear naive makes for a scary combo) I love witty repartee and I love new ideas (I love them both in a discussion about faith) but I don’t want to get so caught up in witty repartee about new ideas that I just take them in without respect for what is old, timeworn truth.
To some extent, it is a gut reaction. These books rub me the wrong way because I feel like they make Christianity a little too comfortable for those who don’t commit. (Comfortable enough to make them best sellers…did I mention that?) They make it a little too, “This is what I believe about it all and you probably feel a little different and that’s okay.” In some respects, I am sure that it is okay. In respect to some discussions of faith I am known to say, “that isn’t a deal breaker for me.” For instance, if it was proven that God didn’t create the world in seven literal days, it wouldn’t shake my faith. It is not, “a deal breaker.” (Please don’t e-mail about this!) I have to hold on to certain beliefs loosely because I know that my understanding is limited by my humanity. I actually take great comfort in that. But, there are other tenants that I grab tightly to. Jesus Christ is the only begotten Son of the Father, the justification for our sins, and the only way to God. This is, to me, non-negotiable.
I guess what bothers me is that there seems to be this idea, about who God is and who we are in relation to Him, floating around that I am now gonna call a “soft conversion” (I might have just made up that term and if anyone knows how I can make some money off of copyrighting it, then let me know). This is probably not even an accurate term because I don’t really believe there can be such a thing. What I mean is, there is this idea of God and an encouragement of tapping into Him, minus a good part of the humility I believe to be necessary for salvation. Humility that causes you to believe that, without him, you are desperately incomplete, not merely unenlightened. To me, this is just an affirmation of the scripture that says, “Narrow is the gate that leads to salvation.”
In the end, here is what I do know. I know that as I sat up, way too late one night, researching one of the authors I just read and obsessed with knowing whether she had a true conversion experience or not, God, in his illuminating way, said, “Amanda, what does it matter to you if her conversion was real? Why would you research her for hours trying to figure it out? Instead, pick up my book. Here are the words of eternal life. This bible will tell you all you need to know. Obsess over it.” So, I will because, as my husband put it in our wonderfully vigorous discussion, "my job is not to argue against somone else's belief, it is to argue for truth." And I am certain of where to find it.
You see, the problem is that these books are best sellers, expertly written, engaging. They are humorous and full of heart. They are about faith. “Where is the problem?” you are, no doubt, asking. Well, the thing is, I am not sure they are about my faith...at least as I understand it. That wouldn’t bother me much, generally speaking. People can write about whatever they want. What bothers me about these particular books (did I mention they are best sellers?) is that they discuss ideas that sound so similar to my faith at times that it is confusing. There is such an element of what I believe to be truth that, catch me in a less self-assured moment, and I might just dive right in. (This less self-assured me, coupled with the me that doesn't ever like to appear naive makes for a scary combo) I love witty repartee and I love new ideas (I love them both in a discussion about faith) but I don’t want to get so caught up in witty repartee about new ideas that I just take them in without respect for what is old, timeworn truth.
To some extent, it is a gut reaction. These books rub me the wrong way because I feel like they make Christianity a little too comfortable for those who don’t commit. (Comfortable enough to make them best sellers…did I mention that?) They make it a little too, “This is what I believe about it all and you probably feel a little different and that’s okay.” In some respects, I am sure that it is okay. In respect to some discussions of faith I am known to say, “that isn’t a deal breaker for me.” For instance, if it was proven that God didn’t create the world in seven literal days, it wouldn’t shake my faith. It is not, “a deal breaker.” (Please don’t e-mail about this!) I have to hold on to certain beliefs loosely because I know that my understanding is limited by my humanity. I actually take great comfort in that. But, there are other tenants that I grab tightly to. Jesus Christ is the only begotten Son of the Father, the justification for our sins, and the only way to God. This is, to me, non-negotiable.
I guess what bothers me is that there seems to be this idea, about who God is and who we are in relation to Him, floating around that I am now gonna call a “soft conversion” (I might have just made up that term and if anyone knows how I can make some money off of copyrighting it, then let me know). This is probably not even an accurate term because I don’t really believe there can be such a thing. What I mean is, there is this idea of God and an encouragement of tapping into Him, minus a good part of the humility I believe to be necessary for salvation. Humility that causes you to believe that, without him, you are desperately incomplete, not merely unenlightened. To me, this is just an affirmation of the scripture that says, “Narrow is the gate that leads to salvation.”
In the end, here is what I do know. I know that as I sat up, way too late one night, researching one of the authors I just read and obsessed with knowing whether she had a true conversion experience or not, God, in his illuminating way, said, “Amanda, what does it matter to you if her conversion was real? Why would you research her for hours trying to figure it out? Instead, pick up my book. Here are the words of eternal life. This bible will tell you all you need to know. Obsess over it.” So, I will because, as my husband put it in our wonderfully vigorous discussion, "my job is not to argue against somone else's belief, it is to argue for truth." And I am certain of where to find it.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's to Me!
I sat for two hours tonight with my gorgeous husband and ate. Did you read that right? We ATE for two hours. We ate at such a lesiurely pace that we saw two sets of people come and go at most of the tables around us. It was such a lovely meal (soup, salad, bread, steak, potato, veggies, chocolate cake, chocolate covered strawberries, coffee...yum!) and such a lovely atmostphere (candles, music, flowers, etc.) and such easy conversation that it felt almost wrong not to milk it for all it was worth. Our kids were being watched...no, scratch that...they were being brillantly entertained and cared for by some of our dear friends. They were having the time of their lives at a Valentine party, princess style, just for them. What a gift that was! If you have children then you know what a gift it was. To eat a meal like that, in a place like that, with the love of your life, without interruption...well, it was more than a little delightful. It was bliss! Thanks Paul and Debbie! We owe you big!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Just a few words from my favorite comedian, Jim Gaffigan, about Valentine's Day.
"Valentine's Day, the tradition is we give each other those big red hearts filled with the gamble chocolate. Have you ever really eaten any chocolate out of those big red hearts with any confidence? 'Hmmm...well, this could be really good or totally nasty. I'm just pig enough to find out....oh crap, I got the one filled with toothpaste. I'll have to eat another nine to get rid of that flavor.'"
Thoughts for reflection, to be sure. :)
"Valentine's Day, the tradition is we give each other those big red hearts filled with the gamble chocolate. Have you ever really eaten any chocolate out of those big red hearts with any confidence? 'Hmmm...well, this could be really good or totally nasty. I'm just pig enough to find out....oh crap, I got the one filled with toothpaste. I'll have to eat another nine to get rid of that flavor.'"
Thoughts for reflection, to be sure. :)
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