Renovations-are-us in the Kolman home. And, we are really enjoying checking some things off of our list. But, there is a limit to how much chaos I can handle and, this week, I reached it.
It's my own fault, really. When there are projects to be done, I just feel compelled to do it. And it's hard for me to move on until I do. It's hard for me to think about almost anything else, until it's done. And therein lies the chaos. Because life keeps on moving. Kids still need to be fed. Homework still needs to be finished. And normal everyday cleaning still abounds. You might be aware of some of my recent ramblings about how unexpectedly hard life with three kids has been. If you are, then the knowledge that I am adding to my workload by trying to steam off wallpaper and paint rooms should tell you all that you need to know. Chaos.
Today, I read in Hebrews 13, "be content with what you have" and it hit a nerve and apparently some kind of water valve because water started coming out of my eyes at an alarming rate. I used to think of contentedness as the discipline of not wanting too much. Or, learning to like what you have. And that may be true. But today, I realized that it's a lot more than that. We are told to be content for our own darn good and not because God looks down on us and shakes his head at how selfish we can be. We are told to be content because, when we aren't, we obsess over something other than God and as it subtly begins to take over and crowd out the spirit, I experience an unrest that I am unaccustomed to. When I can't think of anything else except getting my room painted so I don't have to live in the guest room anymore, I don't make time to sit in his presence. My brain, in it's discontented state, does not allow me to rest in Him, or at all for that matter. Such a simple thing. But, I have found it to be so hard. Especially when I'm in a place where there is much to be done.
So as I sat with that passage in Hebrews, I knew that God meant to convict me of more than my most recent obsession. And he proceeded to gently reveal how my discontent with any part of my life is a sneaky way in which Satan gets me focused on myself. And how, if I don't nip it in the bud, and quick, it is a seriously downhill spiral into unthinkable sin. Souls in unrest will do unimaginable things to forget that they are not at rest. And, his grace, as he revealed the dark places reminded me that I wanna be at rest in Jesus. Always. I don't want Satan to have a foothold in any part of my life. And, as ridiculous as it seems, painting a room created just enough chaos in my life to shift my gaze away from God.
And here's what I know about the view from there. It's a freakin' wreck.