The first time was when sweet Hope went to get her kindergarten shots. We had been talking about this for weeks because that's the kind of kid Hope is. She is much more comfortable when she knows the plan. She would have freaked out if I had surprised her with it that day. So, we talked about it and counted down the days and she was ready. Well, as ready as you can be for three painful shots when you're five years old. She marched right in and right up to the counter with me, but I could tell she was getting nervous because, as I checked us in, she got very quiet. Then, when we got into the room, the butterflies hit me and I got a tiny bit shaky. I think that, mostly, I was nervous for her, but I was aware of a little something more, too. This sense that we were moving, moving, moving forward in life and that all of this meant that my little girl was about to start kindergarten. And kindergarten starts a whole journey towards graduation that I am just not ready for.
I know. Even as I write it, I know I am being overly dramatic. But sometimes, in moments like these, I think you just have to let it sweep over you like that. I think it's what makes you aware and attentive and alive to the present. This knowing that it won't last helps us to enjoy it while it does. And so, in the middle of feeling like we are about to start a journey that moves you forward whether you want it to or not, I get to remember why this present leg of the trip is so precious. And I get to remember to breathe, and take it all in, and savor this time with her, while she still crawls in my lap, while she's learning to read, while she holds my hand, while she jumps in bed with me in the morning, while she plays dress up, while she dances in the living room... while she's still five. Cause graduation is certainly coming, but, for now, she's still five.
...The second time I felt those butterflies, a few hours later, was when I put an address and stamp on the envelope that contained our application for adoption! That's right! Baby #3 is officially on it's way. Of course, I had to take it straight to the post office. And I wanted to take a picture with the postal worker and my envelope, but then, I randomly got the guy who is "all business and no chit chat" and I felt weird asking him to pose for a picture with me. I did get this one of Bella, though.